“On paper, this is the gay ideal! I don’t really consider myself any of those things - and I have a perfectly respectable amount of sex.”īooster, who somehow manages to have plenty of sex in New York’s “white-painted gay community,” had some practical tips for you. “It’s hard for me to wrap my head around any six-foot-one, fit, VGL guy having trouble getting laid,” said Booster.
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I, like many others, have internalized an ideal: tall, gym-perfected, blah blah blah - and, above all, white.”īooster was also struck by your stats. “As a stereotypically short Chinese guy, my first reaction to reading EDDIE’s letter? Damn, he’s six-foot-one! I’m jealous,” said Chu. (The cultural baggage and biases that inform a preference for, say, tall guys is a lot less toxic than the cultural baggage and biases that inform a preference for white guys - duh, obviously.) But short, heavy, average-looking/unconventionally-attractive guys face rejection for not being tall, lean, or conventionally hot, just as you’ve faced rejection for not being white. You cite your height (tall!), weight (slim!), and looks (VGL!) as proof you’ve faced sexual rejection based solely on your race. And it’s all of us, when we’re lazy and don’t confront our own prejudices.”īooster and Chu are right: Racism is a problem in the gay community, some people within are unfairly and cruelly marginalized, and we all need to confront our own prejudices.Įven you, EDDIE.
#BLACK GAY MEN FUCKING WHITE MAN TV#
Even with all the LGBT characters we have on TV now, what images do we have of Asian American ones? It’s that LGBT-rights organizations still haven’t diversified enough, especially in their leadership. Others (the ones I was interested in, to be candid) would act as if I were wearing an invisibility cheongsam.”Ĭhu feels there’s plenty of blame to go around for this sad state of affairs. Many times I’d go into a gay bar and see guys playing out some gross interracial porno in their heads - with me playing the part of their Chinese pocket gay. “Many of us who are Asian American come out of the closet and walk into this weird bamboo cage, where we’re either fetishized or ignored. Jeff Chu, a writer who also lives in Brooklyn, can relate: “Racism still thrives in the gay community, just as in broader society,” said Chu. “The double-edged sword of living in a city with a large gay community is that the community gets so large that we finally have the opportunity to marginalize people within it.” “I relate to a lot of what EDDIE is feeling here,” said Joel Kim Booster, a Brooklyn-based writer and comedian. Enraged Dude Details Infuriating Experience What can I do? I might as well be a sexless monk. Why is there no acceptance, no space, no welcome for me in this white-painted gay community? I’m six-foot-one, 160 pounds, fit, and very good-looking. I had the same pain of being gay in high school and the same fears when coming out, too. But it is unfair for a gay Asian like myself to be constantly marginalized and rejected. I understand that sexual attraction is subconscious for many people. Gay men, mostly whites and Asians, reject me because of my race and no one admits to their sexual racism. DanĪs a queer man of color - I’m Asian - I feel wounded whenever I am exposed to gay men in New York City, Toronto, or any city where white gay men dominate.
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I hope everyone has a happy and safe Pride. I’m taking a week off, so this week’s “Savage Love” is a reprint of a column that was originally published on January 13, 2016. “Pride and preferences” (Illustration by Joe Newton)
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